Mar 9, 2009

I Wasn't In

I've referenced this event in previous posts but someone was kind enough to send me some pix of it for me to relive (and begin my nightmares anew). Here are some pix of the 2006 kick-off event where upper management dressed up in superhero costumes, danced around, and generally acted like fools. That was the same day I started looking for a new job...

67 comments:

Anonymous said...

Alesya screaming into a microphone "WE'RE NUMBER 1!" was the best part of this presentation. I wanted to jam one of those toys they threw out directly down her throat.

Anonymous said...

Oh god, I remember that. I remember thinking 'is this what rock bottom looks like?'

Anonymous said...

Dance me! Dance me if you can! Let's have an ePrize Dance Off!!

eprizers verses exprisers! Yea!

Anonymous said...

One world! One heart! One Song! We're a circle together!!!

Anonymous said...

We're all in this together, once we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that!

Anonymous said...

Suprise!!!

-----
CONFIDENTIAL INTERNAL MEMO – Not to be shared with anyone outside ePrize

Team ePrize,

As you undoubtedly see every day in the news, the economy continues to decline at a rapid rate. Since our last meeting, the economy has worsened – from General Motors nearing bankruptcy to General Electric reducing their dividend for the first time since the Great Depression.

In the last two months, we were hit with a large number of cancellations and client delays from last year’s sales. Clients are paying us more slowly, and our cash collections are below where they need to be. Our number one mission and responsibility, of course, is to ensure our long-term success. That commitment is unwavering, and we WILL weather this storm together. We continue to proactively evaluate various steps we can take to manage through these challenging times. We need to ensure that we are keeping our expenses low enough to withstand the uncertain and erratic nature of these unprecedented times.

As a result of these ongoing challenges, one of the steps we are taking is to implement unpaid time off for all team members. Beginning this week and going through October 2nd, we will require that each team member take two (2) unpaid days each month. This is the most recent unfortunate measure that we chose to take from among many other more painful alternatives. It also provides a benefit of having additional time off during the spring and summer months. Importantly, we intend for this to be a temporary program. In the coming weeks and months, we will continue to keep a very close eye on our financial situation and will take additional measures if needed. These are unprecedented times and our ability to quickly and proactively manage the situation will guarantee our long term success.

While it’s easy to get discouraged by the non-stop negative economic news, we are still in a good position. Sales performance has been strong in the first two months of this year, and we are on track to reach our 2009 goals. We have world-class infrastructure, technology, innovation, processes, and most importantly - people. Our client relationships and market position are strong. The bottom line is that we have a bright future, and will emerge even stronger, although it will require hard work and sacrifices to get there. As a team, we have two choices: we can either be overcome by these challenges or we can rise above them. This is the time for us to rally together, and double-down our commitment to win.

Attached for your reference is a document which outlines answers to questions you may have about this unpaid time off program. I have also recorded a voice message that further elaborates on the situation and what we’re doing to address it. Please visit G:\Internal Transfers\Voicemail and download the voice message to your computer. Additionally, your leader will be setting up a meeting with you and your team members to discuss unpaid time off schedules and to answer any questions you may have.

Please let me know if you have any questions, and thanks for your anticipated support and commitment.

Josh Linkner
Chief Executive Officer
_____________________________________

ePrize
One ePrize Drive
Pleasant Ridge, MI 48069
p: 248.543.7533 (direct)
f: 248.336.5582
e: josh@eprize.com

Business Manager:
Tia Kouchary
p: 248.543.7491
tia.kouchary@eprize.com

INTERACTIVE PROMOTION RESULTS
www.eprize.com

Anonymous said...

Holy Sh*t!

Anonymous said...

(Chorus)
This is our last chance to get it right! This is our last chance to make it alright!
We gotta show what were all about
TEAM! Work together!

This is our last chance to get it right! This is our last chance to make it alright!

We gotta show what were all about
It's now or never! yeah!

Anonymous said...

I pooped my pants.

Anonymous said...

Let's check out the math here. It doesn't take a business school drop-out education to figure this one out.

• Let's say an average employee makes 60K/year. This compensates for the few people that are overpaid for doing jack at the company. Say JB, JT, or other folks with J in their names.

• This gets us to about $1,154/week or roughly $231 per business day.

• For arguments sake, let’s say you’re actually working an 8 hour work day (yea right). You’re making roughly $29/hour.

• Now, you get this email and are forced to take 2 days off per month, which equates to $462 in gross income per month. Assuming you’re in about a 75% tax bracket, that’s roughly $346 in take home pay.

• What does $346 mean to you? A car payment? Groceries for the month? Part of your mortgage? Actual savings for something you want like a trip, a child’s education, or maybe a gift for that special someone?

• Over the 7 month time period, this “saves” the company to $3,248 in gross income for this ONE EMPLOYEE.

• Giving ePrize the benefit of the doubt and making the numbers nice and round, if we have 275 employees, the company saves $893,200. I wonder where those “company savings” are going? Just watch the parking lot to see if there are any new Porche’s or Yukon’s in the next few months. You’ll know exactly where those savings are headed

• Breathe…take in the number…breathe…read that number again...get angry…read it again.

Oh generous and faithful employee. I ask you. What was your raise last year that compensates for this loss over these next seven months? You do the math on that one.

Anonymous said...

Every company out there is dealing with issues from the economy. I respect leadership for saving jobs. The leaders are all taking pay cuts too.

What suggestion do you have, other than for people to "get angry"?

Anonymous said...

Do you really think the leaders are taking pay cuts?

BULLSHIT.

Anonymous said...

I would ask our leaders to restructure the company in a manner that will allow it to emerge from its current 1990s Hey! Check out the Internet! cocoon as a beautiful, fully-realized, 21st-century butterfly that understands exactly what the market is demanding, rather than churning out the same, irrelevant, peripheral-to-any-marketing-plan garbage that we have been for a decade. We've barely evolved, in terms of what we provide (a personality quiz is a personality quiz is a personality quiz, no matter how pretty we make it, although we have a ways to go in that regard, too), but consumers and marketers are becoming exponentially more immune to that kind of bullshit. What percent of our registrants are from sweeper sites? Only the most blockheaded client will continue to buy into our metrics, especially as it becomes harder for them to afford their core sites, let alone some fucking electronic roulette wheel. The paradigm is shifting, as every marketing textbook has said for 50 years, but we're standing still. Making new server software that can handle x+1 connections/minute isn't going to cut it. If his uncle were a lawyer who could write up enough bullshit to cover his ass, a high-school kid in Poughkeepsie could run an internet promotion out of his bedroom with $1000 worth of computers. It ain't rocket science, anymore. Time to take a quantum leap ahead, so my sweet $60K/year can keep rolling in.

Anonymous said...

Of course, I won't ask. That was hypothetical.

Anonymous said...

I don't get it. If you're a salaried employee working overtime doesn't get you any more money so how does working two fewer days save the company money?

Oh... wait... this is a "Pay Cut" by another name. I get it now.

Anonymous said...

I'd recommend using those extra 2 "benefit" days off working on your portfolios and resumes.

Anonymous said...

It's called a "furlough" and it sucks. I have no illusions about my job; I know we aren't one big happy family, but I generally enjoy ePrize as a place of employment.

Given the recent developments, I can't say I won't try to look for alternate employment. If I do ultimately leave ePrize, it will be with a lot less animosity than the posters here. Not sure how long it's been since you left ePrize, but it's time to get over whatever it is that you're still holding onto.

Anonymous said...

You people are nuts. Do you even work at ePrize anymore? I didn't even realize this blog lasted past 2006 until yesterday when a fellow employee was chatting with me about it. I suggest you get on with your life and move on from ePrize. As for the current employees, I think we should all be thankful that we stil have jobs given the current economic situation. I think we are in for some rough times ahead and it's not an ePrize specific thing. The entire country is facing these problems. Barely anyone is hiring full time in the marketing world right now... especially in Detroit. Employees could have recieved a 10% paycut and weren't offered two days off a month to make up for it. At least you received the extra time off. Use that time to plan for your future. This economy is awful.

Anonymous said...

Feel free to subscribe to the RSS feed so you can keep up to date.

BTW, the place I'm at is hiring.

Anonymous said...

I can honestly say this. This place in 2009 is a lot different than what it was in 2006. I don't work 60-70 hour-weeks like I used to. We rarely see critical post launches lately that consumes your whole night. I thought about quitting almost every week in 06, but I actually turned down two offers late last year.

Yes, the economy sucks and I am making only as much as I was making two years ago, but other than that, I have very few complaints(yes, it ain't perfect place, but where is???). If you are happy with your new job, good for you. But, don't think that the job you had three years ago is same as what it is today... :)

Anonymous said...

There is one person that doesn't have to worry about the 2 unpaid days off per month anymore.

The guy who leaked the memo stupidly got caught and was walked out (FIRED) this morning. Funny thing was that he worked up in TechOps. You would think he would know better.

I guess ePrize really doesn't like the dirty laundry getting let out!

Anonymous said...

I suppose the caped crusaders can't save the team this time. I wonder what the next ACT will look like. When the going gets tough the no limits hero's suddenly make a hard landing, then have a rude awakening as the SLITHER covers them.

Anonymous said...

It was a confidential memo, says so right at the top. If you ran a company, you sent a confidential memo that explicitly stated "don't share this with anybody outside of this company", somebody posted it on the Internet, and you knew who it was, you wouldn't fire them? Wow.

And let's not rip on the guy either. He's an extremely intelligent guy who just made a bad choice in a heated moment; we all make bad choices. For example, I made the choice to visit this blog and leave a comment on it, there's two bad choices right there. I already regret them both. Oh well.

Anonymous said...

I bet your words are not followed by your actions. You mention regret for visiting, yet one could almost guarantee you'll be back reviewing the comments. Secondly you'll respond (post a comment) if your cage is rattled enough, its your MO and you just can't help that. While you consider these bad choices, other people find the blog very informative and enjoyable.Don't contribute if you think its bad, if you keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome, one could view those actions as the early signs of insanity.

Anonymous said...

"...While you consider these bad choices, other people find the blog very informative and enjoyable..."

I usually lurk here and see what people are griping now, but this comment (quoted above) really says it all.

Informative and enjoyable? really? First of all this blog has never really been informative, comments and opinions are all based on the past and have no relevance today. Enjoyable? I can only take this to mean that participants here get pleasure from bitching about other peoples problems, just like old ladies in a sewing circle...

IMHO all the haters here are just sad that they don't work here any more and are trying to find comfort by huddling together and sharing their disdain in the hopes that they can convince themselves that they are better off today.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'd agree with the last comment in that this blog seems to be a haven for those with an unhealthy, obsessive hatred towards ePrize. Most of us who've left (involuntarily or by choice) have moved on. Obviously those of us who have moved on, tend not to post.

I'll cop to the fact that I still harbor some resentment towards the way I was treated by the company at various times, but that's just life. Shit happens. You move on.

By the same token, I think it's a pretty big stretch to say everyone posting here is just 'sad they don't work there anymore' and trying to convince themselves they're better off. There's a reason this blog exists. ePrize had/has some really great things about it, but it also has some really unfortunate problems I hope will be (or already have been) resolved.

I don't say this vindictively, but speaking for myself I'm much happier (and well compensated) since I left. I'm speaking of the ePrize of years back, though. I honestly have no idea what the situation is there now.

I really do hope things are better. But emails such as the one posted here from Josh seem to indicate they have not. I don't think the fact they're forcing people to take unpaid days off or cutting pay is a bad thing necessarily if it helps to keep the company afloat. These are tough times that call for tough measures. That's not the issue, nor in most cases was it ever the issue at ePrize. The problem in my time (and I suspect still) was the presentation.

Don't insult ePrizer's intelligence by off-handedly how forced, unpaid vacation is a 'benefit'. ePrizers are many things but they're not dumb. In other words don't piss on someone's leg and tell them it's raining. Cutting that sentence (and maybe a few others) would have caused me to have a totally different reading than I had.

Anonymous said...

Someone leaked the memo in the comments you twit. There is no way of knowing who posted it. Offering a forum for people to bitch about ePrize hardly makes him responsible for someone else's bad decision. Leaking it at all is something that will get you fired... where it lands is just a matter of luck.

Anonymous said...

If it wasn't going to get leaked here, then where would it get leaked?

And yes, there are ways to tell who did it, especially if it happened from within the eprize walls (it did).

Anonymous said...

Since everyone goes by the name anonymous here I'd like to say I'm a new anonymous. Yes I think it sucks someone lost their job by leaking the memo, but I certainly don't blame eprize one bit for firing the person who did. Business isn't a joke. When the CEO sends a memo out that says "confidential", you better expect to get what's coming to you if you don't keep it confidential.

That being said, reading that memo scared me a bit. When a company like ePrize is hurting, what does that say about our economy. If I still worked for ePrize, I would probably like to know how far in the red (if any) they are to demand such a measure. It doesn't sound like they shared that info, but I'm just assuming.

It seems all the things that made ePrize such a great place to work are disappearing. From free drinks to cheaper lunches. I have to assume they stopped bonuses and 401K matching.

To all the people at ePrize, I wish you the best. I wish the best for the rest of us in Michigan. I worry things are going to get even more suckier for everyone.

Anonymous said...

-No more 401k.
-No more lunchbox.
-No more free drinks.
-Rip off vending machines.
-No more massages.
-No more parties.
-Lame staff calls.
-10% pay cut (2 unpaid days/month)
-Non-existent VC.
-And JORDAN flat out told us that they would have decimated our Medical benefits if BCBS would have let them. Thank god for that contract!

ePrize is no longer anything special. It's just a big ass, smelly, leaky building with ugly ass walls.

If you like it, great. I know that I don't and I'm trying like hell to get out.

Anonymous said...

For the person who essentially said calling the unpaid time off a benefit was an insult to employees, let's take a look at that.

First off, read the memo again. Nowhere does it imply this is intended to be an overall positive thing. And something you wouldn't necessarily know from reading this blog is that, in addition to choosing this over other options, the point is that it's an option that has some potential benefit.

I am not guaranteeing that every person that works at ePrize will benefit from this, and that is unfortunate. I don't know about you, but I tend to have empathy for people that work hard. What I can say is that I personally am glad about the unpaid time off. Of course I'm not happy about the implications to my check, but after thinking about it, I realized it will be a good thing. Two more days off a month, and Fridays no less? Fine by me. That's worth a little less pay*. And I am not alone in this thought; it has been echoed by many others.

I admit I kind of question myself for even posting this. A good chunk of the people that post here have ideas in their heads and they are not likely to change them, no matter what is said. You have to realize that you can only get a certain, specific read on things from the outside. I actually still enjoy my job quite a bit, despite the measures that have been taken that are not at all unique to ePrize. But you're not going to hear that much here; why would we take the effort to convince you? It's just not worth the fight. I have better things to do with my time.

* And for those that would ridicule me for this line, I have this for you: In ideal times, could I make more at another company? Sure. Despite that, am I still comfortable? Yes.

Anonymous said...

And for all the sales people who just had their quotas raised, do you think they'll be able to succeed by taking two more days off a month? Can the company can actually afford to have everyone work 10% less hours? Everyone will be expected to produce the same amount, for 10% less, and if it can't be done in less time (which it can't) than no one will really be able to take that time off.

Anonymous said...

I never has time off at ePrize. Just time delayed. If I had a day off, I ended up working those 15 hours the week before and/or after in addition to my usual 80 hour work week.

Anonymous said...

Disclaimer... this is based entirely on my experiences 3 years ago... I have no clue what might happen today and as others have mentioned... thing do change from time to time. At least that it was is said in the comments here.

--time warp--

3 Years ago when the power would go out in that building they would rent a generator to get the dev servers and vpn online. They would ask that everyone wait (some indeterminate amount of time) into their evening for things to come online, and then finish their daily tasks. Do you really think there are going to be two work weeks with 8-10 less hours in them? No... you just won't be in the office on Fridays.
/time warp

Anonymous said...

Here's how I think it will go. Everyone has tons of work to get done right? Whenever one of their 2 days comes up, you work extra before, during or after just so you don't fall behind. Two days off? ROTFLMAO

Anonymous said...

Maybe ePrize started to grow up and went hourly? Otherwise, I just don't see how this could work if everyone is salary.

Anonymous said...

The department leaders made it a point to everyone that if they are on an unpaid day off and ePrize calls, they had better answer and they will be responsible to work but they will try to 'limit' this from happening.

Yeah, right.

So if you're a PM/producer, and your account has some kind of a crisis, you better get your butt to work and iron it out.

No way everyone is going to go through the trouble of setting up coverage and whatnot just for 1 day off.

Anonymous said...

Two things:
No one's talked about how few of those people in upper management in the photos that started this post are still around. Isn't it kind of bad that so many of the worker bees have been around so much longer than those they put their trust into?

Also, I'm curious if the upper management that's still there did any kind of symbolic act about this whole "belt tightening" move by cutting their salary down to a pittance. Do we forget that Josh Linkner used to be known disparagingly as "The Millionaire"?

Anonymous said...

Good luck finding another job.

http://www.isperldeadyet.com/

Anonymous said...

This blog is frigging great. The rest of the promotions industry has their collective bowls of popcorn out and is enjoying the shit out of this.

And us all knowing the slimy business practices and unethical sales tactics of ePrize are LOVING the Karma bus run roughshod over the joint.

Anonymous said...

It's not just their bad karma that is running roughshod over the place. It's their horrible (fraudulent) accounting practices too.

The more they "clean" the books, the worse their bottom line looks and the more perks they have to cancel.

The only problem is that all of the perks are gone and they've already cut 2 days per month.

What's next?

4 days per month?

I tell you what, benefit elections next year are going to be a touch brutal I bet. Kiss your PPO plans and low copay's good bye!!!

I can't wait to get out to somewhere that is actually stable and not a house of cards waiting to implode.

Anonymous said...

You people are a bunch of fear-mongers. Every company in America is making tough decisions about their bottom line. If anything, ePrize was probably too far on the spending side in the past. So they are correcting it. Yeah... sounds like a "house of cards" to me.

I'm happy to work at a place that is focused on the bottom line. Are you seriously telling me that ePrize is the only one facing cost cuts in the world?

I love working here, and don't appreciate all the slanderous remarks about our company. So go somewhere else and bitch about how bad everything is. Just go be a victim and don't bother to make any postive contribution.

Anonymous said...

If you were so happy working there, you could stop reading this blog.

Crazy idea, no?

Anonymous said...

Looks like our caped "space cadets" need some CAFFEINE to help them wake up from their SLITHER nightmares. These photos are helping Eprize become the laughing stock of the industry and the butt of many jokes. So funny!

Anonymous said...

I think the koolaide that they drink over there must be spiked with LSD to even think up such ludicrous things.

Anonymous said...

you are being critical of a company that has fun, can laugh at itself, and is creative. I see your point. I'm sure you'd much rather work at a company that is boring, stiff, and bland. Which did you say was the laughing stock again?

Anonymous said...

Hey, enjoy your days off. By the way, did you finish coding that Old Navy promotion? No? Oh...gosh...man, that needs to be done in the next two days. That's just not gonna look good to the folks upstairs if its not done. Well, if anyone asks why its not complete, I'll cover for you as best I can.... I hope. I'll really try to take some of the heat off you, buddy. Boy, this really puts us in a pickle, and we're short-handed as it is.
OH.. what's that? You'll work on it from home? Even though you're not getting paid? Man, you're sure a team player. That was sooo unexpected. You're real ePrizer if I ever saw one.

Anonymous said...

The poster at:
3/10/2009 10:02 PM

Guaranteed: the day they get laid off, they'll be on this blog saying every nasty thing they have to say about ePrize and everyone in it.
The day after that, we'll read about how they hijacked a bus full of blind orphans and drove it through the front lobby.

Anonymous said...

Exactly. If you think what's said on this blog is bad, it pales in comparison to the things that will be said about former eprizers the second they are gone.

Whether they leave on good terms or not.

Anonymous said...

Josh is a puppet of the shareholders, end of story. Business is lame, but it's also the way shit runs. Purple walls do not a zany, KRazy, KOOL company make.You can't hold people responsible for chasing after the closest dollar. It's the way small minds work. Happy St. Patrick's Day! WHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Anonymous said...

"I love working here, and don't appreciate all the slanderous remarks about our company. So go somewhere else and bitch about how bad everything is. Just go be a victim and don't bother to make any postive contribution."

This isn't the thread you are looking for. Or the blog for that matter. No one is forcing you to read this... This is in fact the 'somewhere else' that has been created for people to bitch. You have it backwards. If you don't like READING bad things about your beloved company, go somewhere else happy jack.

And yes I prefer 'bland' and 'boring' cubes and walls to a company who over-works me.... call me crazy.

Anonymous said...

There used to be a blog about how much one of the employees liked ePrize. Once he got fired, the blog stopped.

Anonymous said...

I love this thread

Anonymous said...

That is a good point. If eprize is so loved, where are the blogs dedicated to that?

All they have are corporate BS blogs and facebook pages trying to portray themselves as something they're not.

Very shallow, but an excellent representation of the company and its leadership.

Anonymous said...

3/17/2009 10:45 PM

"Guaranteed: the day they get laid off, they'll be on this blog saying every nasty thing they have to say about ePrize and everyone in it.
The day after that, we'll read about how they hijacked a bus full of blind orphans and drove it through the front lobby."


I am one of the recent laid-off ePrizers and I don't have anything nasty to say. Are you shocked? Am I disappointed about the situations which led to my lay off? Of course. Like many ePrizers, I put a lot of time and effort in, but it wasn't because I felt like someone was cracking the whip - it is because I wanted to do the best damn job and produce the best damn result at the job I signed up to do. I could have found another job at any time I wanted prior to my lay off.

Was ePrize perfect? No. Is any workplace? Of course there were some things about it I didn't like and occasionally they did things which I thought were dumb or crappy. But I have worked in worse places - places that were less fun and less fulfilling. I put in a lot of effort but I feel like I was well acknowledged and rewarded for it. I enjoyed the job and the people I worked with every day.

So, continue to whine and moan and bitch. That is what this blog is for, right? But know that just because YOU had a bad experience there doesn't make it a bad place full of bad people and that everyone who has left feels the same way.

To those who are still at ePrize: it could be far worse then a temporary 10% pay cut, no free pop, and no subsidized lunches. Who knows? It may yet get worse. But be happy you still have a job, and if you hate it so much go find a job that is a better match for you. Both you and ePrize will be better off for it.

Anonymous said...

By the pacifist approach you take to being canned,its obvious you are one of the UNDERPERFORMERS. Yes Sir,No Sir, without a single original thought in your head. Probably the very reason you got fired, no creativity, that's why the company offer a $1000 prize for a new idea, because they can't generate anything internally. Hope you find yourself dude, then you can stop acting like a reed in the wind

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER!

Basically, unless you're a sadist, find a new job. Yes, they are in short supply but they are out there and you will be happier that you did.

Anonymous said...

Sadist = Upper Management
Masochist = The Worker Bees

I think that's a better explanation for the twisted relationships at ePrize.

Anonymous said...

So with another 5 people out the door, I wonder what the overall headcount is actually at now?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Sadist = Upper Management
Masochist = The Worker Bees

I think that's a better explanation for the twisted relationships at ePrize.

3/20/2009 10:16 AM


Touche.

Anonymous said...

And to everyone who keeps on with this pathetic bullshit of "you should just be happy to have a job in this bad economy", note that other interactive promotions companies have jobs open:

http://www.launchfire.com/careers/
http://www.wildfireapp.com/buzz/jobs

Shit, even PrizeLogic is hiring!

Eprize isn't doing bad because of the economy, its doing bad because of the shitty stupid way the company is run.

Anonymous said...

I just applied to all three!

Anonymous said...

I think we need to start taking bets on how many people won't make the cut per week...

Anonymous said...

Weekly Over/Under perhaps?

Anonymous said...

So I have to wonder, now that the unpaid days have already started, how many people are actually getting a free day off vs. an unpaid WORK day?

I know I've ended up working although not a full 10 hours day...Just 6 or so.

Paula/Buggheart said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

josh ripped me off $4500 years ago when his last company failed to perform what they promised. when i said just keep the $4500 and we will part ways he sued me for another $4500. he lost.

i find him an unethical, publicity seeking scoundral.